Thursday, August 24, 2006

"What's that floating in the baby pool, Mommy?"

Yesterday we were at the pool. Baby girl loves to crawl and scoot in the baby pool and pretend that she is swimming. She's really comfortable in the water. Sweet girl has become quite the underwater swimmer this summer too! She loves to show off her tricks! At break time, she comes over to the baby pool to visit with her sister. Baby girl and I were playing in the baby pool, and sweet girl looked at us kind of strangely. Then she asked me to come over to her because she needed to tell me something. I asked her to come over in the pool and tell me. She said, "No, I can't." So I went over to her, and she whispers in my ear,"Mommy, I think there are some nuggets in the pool, maybe you shouldn't be in there." At first, I thought she ment chicken nuggets, and I looked around to see what she was talking about. Then I saw it. Little brown balls clustered together. There were quite a few of them in the pool. No one else seemed to notice or care, they couldn't be the type of "nuggets" that you would usually find floating in the toilet, could they? I carefully went to take a closer look. And then an even closer look. Ahhh, just some tiny acorns that were falling from the above tree. I reported my findings to sweet girl, and she sighed a breath of relief and joined us in the baby pool.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

A higher being is speaking to me...

So, I reread my previous rant, oops, I mean post, and perhaps I was a bit dramatic too. But, boy did it feel good to vent and get it off of my chest!
The evening after I wrote that post, my family went to swim at a friend's pool. My dear husband assured me that my friend would not be there. And, guess who was the first person to greet me when we got there? You guessed it! I could not make eye contact with her because in my mind I had had a big argument with her, and I was afraid if I looked at her, I might just let it all out, and then who would be the big, bad friend? Me! of course.
So I immersed myself in my children and swam and had a wonderful time, and spoke very little to her. I thought I might get a phone call asking me about my not so usual unfriendly behavior, but no phone call came...
I didn't hear from her on Sunday either. Then on Monday evening, she stopped by my house to pick up some bottles that I had told her she could have because we were done with them. She also wanted to tell me about her first day at her new job. I was not rude, but I definitely wasn't my usual friendly, supportive self. She explained that her husband was working on an investment property that they have purchased in hopes of fixing up and making lots of money. And that she was hoping that he'd be home soon so that she could tell him all about it. Later that evening, 10:00 to be exact, my husband was text messaged pictures of that husband and another friend eating, drinking, and having a lot of fun at the local Mexican restaurant
Then, last night my dear husband was working a little late, and my girls and I decided to go to the pool right after dinner. And guess who shows up right when we get there???? Yep, my friend again.
She started to tell me about her job some more, and how her husband had gotten home after she had gone to bed the night before so she hadn't been able to share her first day job stuff with him. I just listened, I don't want to be involved in that one. Then her son started telling other pool guests that they could not sit in certain chairs because he and my sweet girl were going to make forts. After the 5th time of harassing a nice woman and her son, and my sweet girl coming to me and telling me what was happening... I stepped in and told my friend's little boy that the seats were for everyone, and that there were plenty to go around. Then I apologized to the mom and her little boy. My friend then came over and kind of laughed it off, perhaps out of embarrassment. I remained quite reserved, and did not have lots to say, just listened. She claimed that she was worried that her son might have ADD and need medicine because of his inability to pay attention to a swim lesson in a crowded pool. I only replied that I've worked with many children who have attention issues, and that medicine isn't always the answer, there are lots of ways to help.
Within minutes, my friend's son started to throw water at a child that was 3 years younger than he was because the little girl was trying to sprinkle water on him and my sweet girl. This episode ended with him having a fit, hitting her, and screaming and then her saying that they were leaving. Sound familiar? Except for this time, I just distanced myself, felt bad for her, felt bad for him, and said good bye.
So, what have I learned about myself is that I just need to separate myself from this said friend every once in awhile so that she doesn't drive me crazy. I also need to realize that I am a different person and we have different standards for what is considered rude and and not friend-like, based on her behavior and mine. And lastly, there is a higher source who puts me in the places that I need to be so that I can get a better perspective on things....

Saturday, August 19, 2006

How can I divorce a melodramatic friend with out all of the drama?

Sorry in advance for the very long post...
I have this friend. She's been my "friend" since I was seven years old. She has not always been a great friend. When we were in 6th grade, she couldn't figure out how to be friends with me and the new girl who lived in a big house and had all of the cool things. In 8th grade, she was really pissed at me because the boy that she liked, like me instead of her. In 10th grade, she dated some really weird, drug abusing boys and became a very insecure girl who needed to be reassured alot, and was not sure about who she was. As a result, she was a high maintenance friend. Then in college, she was a boy crazy friend. Once when I was visiting her for a cheer me up after a bad break up with a bad boy who I thought I might marry visit, she ditched me in her dorm room and then at a couples party where I was the only one who didn't have a date. She never even considered my feelings, and never apologized.
Then came the after college days. I started dating my husband, and she was in awe that I was dating one of the "cool" guys from her high school. She was very judgemental, and never saw him for the guy that he was, just saw him for the guy from the wild, crazy, cool group in high school. She even dated one of his friends for awhile, but in the end, that didn't work because she was too busy criticizing him for what he was in high school and how he was going to college later than everyone else had. (god forbid someone decide to do something good and change for the better). Well, the jokes on her with that one because he is a very successful writer for a very funny T.V. show that is up for some awards this year.
Sorry to digress... I got engaged, and she was my maid of honor. On the day of my wedding, her hair did not turn out as she liked, she complained, didn't show up in time to help me with my makeup (probably a good thing...she's sometimes been the topic of too much make up gone bad), and my other bridesmaid's had to remind her that I was the bride.
A few months later, she got engaged to a boy that she had verbally expressed to me might not be good enough for her. After her marriage, she made comments about past boyfriends (the one mentioned above included) and how maybe she'd made the wrong choice because those others had more money, bigger houses, jobs that made them famous or popular. Are you sensing the theme here? She likes to be apart of the cool, popular, wealthy group, no matter what the costs.
I think it was around this time that we had our first real "I'm done with you and your selfish ways" conversation. She was being melodramatic over some cheesy fries that were placed in front of her during the season of lent (did I mention she'sNOT of the Catholic religion). I sarcasticly told her to get over it, and within a few minutes she was sitting beside me telling me that I was just kidding when I'd said that. Call it the stick that broke the camels back, but I snapped and told her that I wasn't kidding and that her melodramatic and selfish antics were getting on my nerves and she was a highly irritating person in my life. She had a fit and stormed out of that dining establishment in a fine melodramatic manner complete with throwing napkins. Well, my guilty conscience got the best of me and we ended up being friends again.
The next big argument happened when I didn't tell her I was pregnant early enough. I told her right after 12 weeks, when I told my extended family. But for the next 2 years all I heard about was that I hadn't told her and how I was so bad for not telling her. When I was about 8 months pregnant, she announced that she was pregnant on the day she found out, and again brought it to my attention that she was a better friend for confiding in me so early on.
So our 1st born children are 6 months apart. They play together, and sometimes enjoy each other. Her little boy is a bit of a behavior problem at times, and he lacks the self control that most children have at his age. But, that's a whole other story, the parenting of that household and all of it's disfuction is something I will save for another post one day when I need to vent again.
There have been some ups and downs, and jealousy about new friendships made in the past 5 years. And I have just ignored it, or been very annoyed by it and complained to my true friend, LT, and gotten over it. I've also distanced myself so that I don't have to deal with her on a daily basis. In the few months, she has added another child to her family after a long stay of bedrest. And when that second dear child arrived, her first born became chopped meat.
On one occasion, we were dining at their home, and their little guy was out of control. My sweet girl was playing with him, having fun, but not out of control. That's when the father of this boy snapped. He yelled at his son, and then turned to my sweet girl and said, "And that goes for you too!" My sweet girl was so upset, I summoned her to me and told her out loud for everyone to hear that she hadn't done anything to deserve being yelled at, and that her buddy's daddy had lost his patience. In his defense, he felt badly, not sure if he thought he was wrong, or was feeling guilty because he thought I was really pissed off at him. He said he was sorry to me, and I redirected him to apologize to her, and stated, that she gets yelled at when she's in trouble and has done something really wrong, but her daddy never yells, and she never gets yelled at in that irrate of a tone. Everything ended up fine that night, sweet girl recovered, and I forgave, but didn't forget. I never heard anything from my "friend" on the subject. And that bothered me because if the tables would have been turned, I definitely would have expressed some sorrow for my husband's behavior to her.
Their family endured a big flood in their home where they had to live outside of their home with friends. But, the weird part was only the new baby, mommy, and daddy stayed with the friends. Their little boy was summoned to his grandma's house for the evenings, and to any camp that they could find for him for the morning hours every week during the summer when his mommy was at home on maternity leave. Not to my surprise, he started behaving in a less than stellar way, the way any pissed off, left out, needing attention little boy would. I tried to include him in some of our fun outings, and he was well behaved, until his mother walked in the door. I have tried to remain supportive and helpful during their time of need, even when I don't agree with what they are doing, I just try to tell myself that everyone's different, and they are not wrong just because they don't do something the way I would.
Well, yesterday, something happened that may have changed my mind about everyone being different. We were at the pool, and having a nice time making forts with the pool chairs, then the pool manager told the kids that they couldn't put the chairs on their sides because it scratched the furniture. Sweet girl was disappointed, but fine with the idea that they could just use their towels and keep the chairs upright and make a different type of fort. Well, my friend's little boy freaked out, started howling, hitting his mommy and throwing an all out fit, complete with growling and devil sounding speech. She reacted by telling him to stop, then pulling his hair and telling him in an evil voice that they were leaving. I tried to help diffuse the situation (the teacher in me came out) by explaining to him that they could still build forts, but they had to take special care of the furniture. Then I said, "It's not your mommy's fault buddy-"To which he interrupted and told me," Don't talk to me, don't speak to me, I don't want to hear what you are saying to me." He had a very evil voice and look on his face, the kind that some say could kill. I replied," No problem, I don't want to talk to you anymore, I don't want to talk to someone who is talking to me in a mean, rude way. We'll see you later." And we finished packing up our things and started our walk home. I said bye to my friend and we left. Is it unrealistic of me to think that she might have called and apologized for her son's behavior?
I have been reading a book that talks about getting rid of the things that cause you the type of unhappiness and frustration that is not necessary. I think this friendship is one of those things. So in the next few weeks, I will not be available for that friend, and I am planning to do a lot of avoiding. I know that's the chicken way out, but if you had been there for round one, you would understand that it would not be pretty if I tried to discuss this with her and told her that I think our friendship would be better as a distant one. So, I'll try to create and stick to the distant friendship that I am comfortable with...

Monday, August 14, 2006

Not protected by the EPS Sump Pump Guardian

My husband is a very crafty sort of guy. He's a carpenter by trade and can build beautiful things. He has also learned about electricity, and wired our basement when remodeling. He single handedly remodeled our kitchen, plumbing, flooring, cabinets, ect. He built an amazing Victorian playhouse in our backyard for our girls. Because he works for himself, and does this type of work every day, some of our projects take longer than you would expect, which drives a goal oriented person like me crazy. Sometimes, he needs extra hands to hold something, and I pitch in. But, this is also when some of our best or worst domestic disagreements have happened.
So last December we decided to hire a contractor to add a bathroom to our basement. We were told this project would take a few weeks... Our first bump in the road was the water that just wouldn't go away when they jackhammered the floor, apparently we have a spring that runs under our house. So we added a French drain and a sump pump. But... that sump pump runs every 5 minutes when it is damp out, and about every 15 to 20 minutes on a bright, sunny day. Which ends up being a lot of water. So my dear husband dug a 120 foot trench to the back of the yard, put in some pipe to route the water, made a really nice to look at drain, which drains into another trench that he dug to put pipe with holes in it so the water would slowly drain into the ground. So sump pump problem solved.
Next problem, our pipes are to high, and our toilet and shower would back up constantly if we hook the new pipes into them, so we get to purchase and have installed a sewage injector. The pipes run under baby girls room, and during the average shower, the sewage injector pushes the water into the main pipe about 3 times, so no showers down there when baby girl is asleep, or she sleeps no longer.
The trouble never ends, next terrible, unskilled drywall men come to our house and frame the shower with a 20 inch door opening for the shower. I could fit in sideways, but hope I don't gain any weight or become pregnant again... So we get rid of those guys and wait for 3 month for a very skilled (the reason he is booked for 3 months) contractor to finish our project. It looks amazing, we love it!
Now, we have the problem of that sump pump. What if the electricity goes out, and that sump pump fills up and starts to flood our very nicely finished basement? So we research some products that can power our sump pump, our new best friend. And we find what we think is an amazing product, the EPS Sump Pump Guardian. It is a unit that contains a battery source and you can plug your sump pump into it, and it will pump for upto 48 hours without electricity. We were very anxious to get it, our money was taken out of our account the day we ordered it, so we thought it would arrive soon. After 2 weeks, no EPS Sump Pump Guardian. So we call, leave message, and get no reply. We call every day for a 5 days, leave messages, and get no replies. Then one day dear husband actually talks to someone there and was told there was a flood and their boxes were damaged, but it would be coming soon. 1 more week goes by, more calls, more messages, even a very irate email. No responses. Then 6 weeks after we order it and our money was taken, it arrives at our doorstep.
We follow the directions, plug it in to charge it, and it keeps beeping. We reread the directions, still beeping returns and the amber light never turns off (the amber light is supposed to go off when it is charged, and a green light should replace it). I put it a call, and am greeted by the voice that I've been hearing on the answering machine for weeks, only this time it's a real person. He's very friendly, and says that it just needs to charge over night, but if there are problems, then to call in the morning. All night long we hear the beeping, it never charges. We decide to return it and look for an ulterior method to save us during a power outage. I call, and he answers again (amazing) and is apologetic, will gladly give me a return authorization number, and we will have our money refunded when the product is received. We shipped it on July 22. It arrive there on July 29. Today is August 14, and I have made my 3rd call to them asking where my refund is. It's 3 weeks after they have received it and I have been told that it's being taken care of. I was promised a phone call, and never got one. I left a message asking for a phone call, never got one. Today I am told that it was refunded, but it sometimes takes 2 days to post to my bank account, so it should be there today or tomorrow. This whole process has taken almost 3 months. Ridiculous. And my basement is still not protected! But, the help has been ordered and is on it' s way, hopefully this time it will work out.
Moral of the story: Don't buy an EPS Sump Pump Guardian unless you want to add unnecessary stress to your life.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

my first double post, I think

Last weekend, sweet girl, baby girl and I went to hang out with my parents on their boat. DH had to work. We had the greatest day ever. It was baby girl's first real boat ride, and she loved it, as long as she knew where her mommy was. I had the chance to chat with my dad and mom about the ups and downs of my life, and reminisce on some of the things that our family has done. Sweet girl had fun eating cantaloupe and hanging out with Grammy. Her Grammy is her best friend in the whole world. I love that they have that special relationship with each other. They can talk for hours about things, Grammy is a great listener, she always makes sweet girl feel very important. And Grampy is great with them too... They know he's a big, cuddly, fun guy, and they love to giggle with him, hug on him, and make him laugh. He's so interested in the things that they are doing, and sweet girl loves that he's apart of her audience. He's so proud of them both, and they can tell and love every minute of it.
On my ride home, both of the girls fell asleep, and I had some time to just think in a quiet peaceful environment (as peaceful as I-95 can be). I started thinking how I am so lucky to have two of the most giving, loving, patient, friendly, supportive people that I know fill the role of my parents, and my children's grandparents. I have friends who tell me stories of their parents, and of how their families were when they were growing up, and I just can't even imagine or understand because I can truly say that my parents have always done everything they could for us, and they continue to do anything that they can to help. Because of these two amazing people, I am who I am. And I'm pretty proud of the person I am, and the things I've accomplished. And I think I owe a big thank you to my mom and dad for providing me all of the love, encouragement, and guidance that has shaped me into the mom, wife, and teacher that I am. Thanks Mom and Dad! I love you!

An evening with my family

For a month or so, my baby girl has gotten into the bad habbit of pulling hair, pinching, and hitting. She pulls her own hair, sometimes mommy's hair, and her sister's hair when she doesn't expect it at all. She is a very sweet little baby, and always follows up the hitting, pinching, pulling with a nice kiss.
This evening the family was going to return some things that we had bought that were out of our budget. There is a park, and an ice cream parlor at this fine shopping establishment. We had a great plan for the evening. And then... baby girl grabbed a hold of sweet girls locks and yanked a very hard yank. Sweet girl screamed and then cried. And when her hair was finally released, she looked at her baby sister and replied,"You better not pull on my hair like that again, if you do, I'm going to not have any hair left and I'm going to have to wear a wig. Then I'm going to tell all of the students in Kindergarten about you." To this baby girl responded with a sad little face, a whimper, and then a kiss to her sisters head. Then there was a truce, and all hair was safe, at least for one evening.
We returned our things, well, my dear husband returned his, and I exchanged mine for something better :-) Then we headed to Ben and Jerry's where we were charged $4 a scoop for melted ice cream. My husband asked the guy to help him out on baby girls soooo small cone, and he added a teeny, tiny bit more. Ridiculous! It was funny to watch the other customers come out with the same small cones, discussing the outrageous price, but enjoying every lick, just as we did. Then it was off to play at the playground, toss pennies into the fountain and make wishes that we all hope come true, and home again to our toy infested house!
What a wonderful evening!